October 2023 DEI Committee Blog

What about the Gaps that Can’t be Bridged?  

I’m ambivalent about DEI’s call to “celebrate our differences”.  There are so many differences that make our lives harder.  Why don’t we celebrate tenacity instead? In our WGR community, I’m awed by my colleagues’ commitment to engage in dialogue, even when it is painful and difficult.  

With all that I’ve learned from the DEI committee, I didn’t apply it after the October 7 attack on Israel and the subsequent Israel-Hamas war.  I’ve been horrified, apprehensive, devastated, overwhelmed. In a (failed) effort to process the violence, I focused on learning about the complex history and heritage of the region. I should have been more attuned to my pain, anger, and confusion instead of looking for answers in a few nuggets of history. In minimizing my feelings, I did not think about those around me – particularly those with ties to the region - as deeply as I should have.

WGR’s October DEI meeting forced me out of my avoidant fog. I listened to fellow brave members talk about the aftermath of the October 7 terrorist attack.  Naturally, their emotions were not simply a bigger version of what I had been feeling. It was multidimensional pain and anger. We witnessed complex, soul-tearing, life-changing pain.  I know that this pain is also felt by others within our community who are not speaking out.

Why did I miss this?

Lost in my own shock, I failed to assess how people that I know would be affected.  It’s jarring to think that we can fail to grasp the most significant aspects of people we know.  This lack of understanding is tragic because it alienates people and erodes trust.

It’s hard for me to think that there are some differences that cannot be understood or bridged. The most powerful aspects of our diversity are hidden.  Many people carry truths that cannot be expressed or too painful to acknowledge, even to themselves. Our families and communities, our experiences, inherited pain or privilege, legacies of injustice and violence form the deepest, form most remote layers of our diversity.

With the recent backlash against diversity in the US, I wonder if there is something within some of us, deeply embedded, that keeps us from ‘seeing’ humanity in others?  Is this why some dismiss or attack DEI? 

I really don’t know. It’s impossible to understand the complexity of any person or group of people, but that doesn’t let us off the hook.  We can find opportunities to bridge gaps. Work with others to fill in the gaps in understanding that seem the most impossible to close. Recognize that we can’t know everything and that we can’t expect others to understand our experience in its entirety. Recognize - together -  that there is a gap, but that won’t stop you from connecting.

This is my experience as someone who has not been directly impacted by the terrorist attack and the Israel-Hamas war.  It’s hard for me to express my empathy, anger, and sorrow with those that are deeply affected, but not out of a lack of caring or an inability to connect with your pain.   It’s this: I fear that my sentiments will be meaningless in the face of your experience.  My sorrow and rage will mean nothing when stacked against the evil we have witnessed.  I will step out from under this helplessness.  At my core, I know that persisting against the unknowable and unspeakable is the best way to counter evil. From that fight, I will not back down.

We welcome all WGR members to join DEI Committee Meetings on the third Tuesday of each month. Register here for the next meeting on November 21st from 11:30 - 1:00 pm Eastern Time. For more information on WGR’s DEI Committee, please reach out to dei.wgr@gmail.com.

DEI Committee Co-Vice Chair Sylvia Aguilera authored this month’s blog.  Views and opinions expressed by WGR members are their own and do not necessarily reflect WGR’s positions.